Sports... or, another afternoon with a numb behind...

Today, as I was sitting on the hard plastic bleachers (I forgot my padded seat), watching the 3rd hour of a wrestling meet, and STILL waiting for Will to be up for one of his bouts, I decided I needed a motto...

I want to make a sweatshirt that says, in Latin, something like "Bleacher Endurance Team" or "Clueless but Still Rooting for My Team" or "Numb Butt Club" or "What Just Happened? Did We Score?"


My latest adventure in bewilderment... wrestling! Now this is a sport that I REALLY know nothing about! 13 years of watching soccer have at least given me a rudimentary knowledge of the game, but this was my first wrestling meet ever. And I had so many questions...

1) WHAT is the ref looking for as he inspects all the shirtless team members? Weapons? Broken ribs? Prosthetics?

2) WHY does someone come out from the scoring area occasionally and hit the referee with a soft padded stick?

3) WHAT is the significance of the Red & Green plastic tie the wrestlers put around one ankle? And why do they match the red and green wristbands on the referee?

AND finally,
4) WHY do the coaches shout out "Back door! Bar on the back! Up the crotch! Squeeze it! Break his hands! and more?"

Other things I learned tonight - a "Tri Dual Meet" means three teams, each against the other one on one, and will take HOURS and HOURS and HOURS. My son Will, the only reason I'm there, will pin his first opponent in 23 seconds flat, after I've sat there for almost 3 hours. It will be the fastest match of the night. (There's a tournament coming up in a few weeks called the "Dawn to Dusk" tournament. Hmmmm.... Note to self...)

So Will did great, and it was really fun watching him, and I was proud of how well he did -- but I told him I reserve the right to spend the rest of the time, while I'm waiting to see him, saying to myself, "Why in the heck am I here?!?"

Answers below:
1) The ref is looking for ringworm or staph or other nasty skin diseases. YUCK!

2) Ah hah! It's because he's lying down on the mat with his nose to the plastic, and he can't see the timer!

3) Yes, they ARE related! It's so the referee can raise one arm or the other and make an arcane statement about the bout, and the scorekeeper will know what the heck he's talking about.

4) Answer... I have NO IDEA and I don't think I really want to know. Do you? REALLY?